


Definition

by BeyondTheClouds777



Series: Learning Curves [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort, Gen, Literal Sleeping Together, Platonic Cuddling, Queerplatonic Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Queerplatonic Relationships, Relationship Discussions, Soft Kiddos, Sugawara is the best, Trying Their Best Kiddos, so slight manga spoilers, talkin' things out heck yeah, very slight, very slight backstory spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23924542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeyondTheClouds777/pseuds/BeyondTheClouds777
Summary: After what seems like a hopeless search for that definingsomething,Hinata and Kageyama find their word.(Or, rather, Sugawara does.)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Learning Curves [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724587
Comments: 14
Kudos: 167





	Definition

**Author's Note:**

> quick lil disclaimer before we get into it !!! queerplatonic relationships are kinda one of those things where it's very case-by-case so I'm only writing based on my experience/perception of a qpr! I know my experience/perception isn't the only one, but I can only write from my own head, so these are all my own personal thoughts and experiences! thank you for your time- I hope you the fic! <3

Kageyama lies flat on his back on the couch, squinting up into the brightness of his phone. The rest of the room is shrouded in darkness, still, and quiet. When he was younger he used to see shadowy figures up against the walls or, worse, crowding in close, but that paranoia melted away as soon as his fear warped from claustrophobia into a realer, closer-to-home reality of being alone. 

He’s lost in his thoughts again, and even more lost in the pit that is Google. No matter what combination of keywords he slaps together, the results are the same. Not that the results are  _ inconclusive,  _ because they’re  _ very  _ conclusive, just not the conclusive he needs. 

_ Platonic relationship  _ is the first thing he searches, because it seems simple enough, but all that does is define ‘platonic’ for him and he already  _ knows that,  _ so he tries something more like  _ Relationship with no romance  _ but the only good  _ that  _ does him is bury him in a slew of ‘the dangers of keeping a relationship platonic; romantic feelings may blossom and make the relationship uncomfortable’ and  _ no,  _ that’s not what he  _ means,  _ but he doesn’t  _ know  _ what he means.  _ He  _ knows what he means but he doesn’t  _ know  _ what he means.

It doesn’t seem like anyone else knows what he means, either, because all the internet wants him to do is ‘ask your partner if they’re ready to be romantic’ or ‘confess your true feelings’ or ‘don’t get lost in the friendzone’ and that's not  _ it.  _

He texts Hinata.

**[Up(set)] 12:59am** **  
** **I’m deleting the internet**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:03am** **  
** **valid but why**

**[Up(set)] 1:03am** **_  
_ ** **_Apparently,_ **

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:03am** **  
** **oh b o y**

**[Up(set)] 1:03am** **  
** **We have to be ‘romantically invested’ for the relationship to ‘work’**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:04am** **  
** **sounds fake but ok** **  
** **I mean we’ve been in a relationship for a while and it’s never bugged us bf???? dunno the internet’s just goin off ig** **  
** **hav you asked daichi or suga yet?** **  
** **have**

**[Up(set)] 1:08am** **  
** **I don’t know what to ask them** **  
** **I mean they probably think we’re dating**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:09am** **  
** **I.** **  
** **Are we???????**

**[Up(set)] 1:09am** **  
** **I don’t KNOW, dumbass.**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:09am** **  
** **hmmmmmmmmmmm** **  
** **tough call**

**[Up(set)] 1:10am** **  
** **yeah**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:10am** **  
** **is platonic dating a thing??**

**[Up(set)] 1:11am** **  
** **If it isn’t it should be**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:13am** **  
** **hhhh**

**[Up(set)] 1:11am** **  
** **I’m gonna try a couple more random keywords** **  
** **I guess we can talk to Daichi or Suga later? I don’t know.**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:14am** **  
** **I mean the worst thing that happens is we dont know how to explain ourselves and thats not super bad right??** **  
** **we arent good at explaining ourselves anyway especially you**

**[Up(set)] 1:14am** **  
** **Wow I feel loved**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:15am** **  
** **but yea gl with the internet don’t break ur phone over it**

**[Up(set)] 1:15am** **  
** **I won’t I won’t** **  
** **Go to bed**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:16am** **  
** **YOU go to bed**

**[Up(set)] 1:16am** **  
** **No I’m googling** **  
** **You go to bed**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:17am** **  
** **i’m older than you you have to do what i say**

**[Up(set)] 1:17am** **  
** **I could just as easily block you**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:18am** **  
** **HA** **  
** **yeah right** **  
** **hello?** **  
** **wait**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:27am** **  
** **JERK**

**[Up(set)] 1:27am** **  
** **I said I was gonna block you**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:28am** **  
** **> :(**

**[Up(set)] 1:29am** **  
** **I’ll go to bed if you go to bed**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:29am** **  
** **fine but you go to bed first**

**[Up(set)] 1:29am** **  
** **Fine, fine** **  
** **Goodnight**

**[Dumbass ❤] 1:29am** **  
** **night ly**

**[Up(set)] 1:29am** **  
** **Ly**

* * *

He spaces out a lot during practice.

And, considering he practically lives and breathes volleyball, it’s enough to get under the skin of his teammates. Even Hinata seems on edge and he usually isn’t bothered by Kageyama at all (although, Hinata being on edge may be due to the same reason Kageyama is on edge; or, off-edge; or—he doesn’t know what it is but it’s an edge he usually can’t associate himself with). 

(… That doesn’t make sense.)

_ “Kageyama, the ball!” _

The volleyball pelts him in the face for what feels like the hundredth time today. Ukai has him sit out a few rallies, but all it does is give him more time to think himself into a corner, over and over and over again. Hinata keeps giving him these  _ looks,  _ which Kageyama retaliates with his own set of  _ looks,  _ and then  _ Hinata  _ gets hit in the face with a volleyball which is normal enough that no one thinks twice.

Until it happens again. And once more. And he’s benched next to Kageyama. And they keep giving each other  _ looks  _ because it’s all they know how to give.

Hinata and Kageyama are left to take down the net that night while everyone else heads home (sans Sugawara, who offered to stay and lock up after them; one more  _ look  _ and both Hinata and Kageyama have mutually, unspokenly agreed that there were most certainly ulterior motives behind the gesture). They’ve just lowered the net from its poles, and with Sugawara storing the mops in the closet, they’re alone.

“He’s definitely waiting for us to say something,” Hinata says.

Kageyama grits his teeth. “To say  _ what?” _

“I don’t  _ know,  _ but we’re alone so should we tell him? We might not have another chance like this—”

“No, I meant  _ what the hell do we tell him?” _

“I don’t know, the thing we talked about last week when I was sick.”

“What did we  _ talk  _ about? All we did was say how confused we were, that isn’t productive—”

“Ah, Hinata, Kageyama.”

They flinch like someone fired a bomb between them. Sugawara’s smile is tight.

“Are you alright? It’s not like you to zone out like that, even if we’re just practicing...”

They turn to each other. Hinata gives Kageyama a helpless shrug. Kageyama shrugs helplessly back.

“You don’t have to tell me if you aren’t comfortable,” Sugawara says, “but if it’s something you think I or the team can help with, then…”

“We’re fine,” Hinata says. “Actually, yeah, we’re  _ really  _ fine, probably more fine than we’ve been in a while.”

Sugawara blinks twice. “Oh. Then…?”

“So it’s like this.” Hinata claps his hands together, and Kageyama has just enough time to think  _ oh here we go  _ before he’s launched into it. “Kageyama and I want to date without actually dating.”

Sugawara blinks. “... So…”

“Like! We wanna date but we don’t wanna  _ date  _ date,” Hinata says, as if that somehow makes  _ any  _ more sense. “And we wanna be in a relationship without actually doing any romantic-couple stuff, so we thought, ‘hey, maybe we’re just best friends’ but that didn’t feel right  _ either  _ so—”

Kageyama is, for once, grateful at Hinata’s blunt, no-filter nature because he’d never be able to wear his heart on his sleeve like that.

“—so we were wondering if maybe you knew anything about stuff like that? Like dating but not dating. Oh!” Hinata’s shoes squeak against the court as he whips to face Kageyama with this dopey, conniving grin on his face (and Hinata is the only person in the world who could pull off both with such balance).  _ “Courting!” _

Kageyama takes a long, deep breath through his nose.

“Kageyama! Kageyama, Kageyama we’re  _ courti—” _

“I’m leaving you.”

_ “Hey!” _

“Uh, you two…?”

They turn toward Sugawara again in unison; he has one hand raised alongside a shy, gentle smile.

“You want a couple relationship without a romantic relationship. Does that sort of sound right?”

Wow, he worded that a lot more eloquently than either of them. They nod in unison.

“Is there a word for it?

_ Wow,  _ Hinata is gung-ho to have a word for it. But it isn’t that Kageyama doesn’t understand; a word would be nice. Confirmation, at the very least, that this isn’t just another ‘them' thing that no one else can understand.

“I-I’m not sure of any particular  _ word  _ for it,” Sugawara says, “but… surely you two can’t be the only people to feel this way. There’s nothing new under the sun, you know?”

Kageyama swore having a word didn’t mean that much to him, but his shoulders sag anyway, and it isn’t just because Hinata looks like he got slapped in the face.

“I don’t mind helping you look for one,” Sugawara says. “I’m sure someone knows what to call it—just because I don’t doesn’t mean nobody does.”

“You’d do that?” Kageyama asks. Sugawara beams.

“I mean, of course,” he says. “Besides, I’m happy for you two. Anything I can do to help you guys figure it out.”

Kageyama doesn’t know how to word it, but in his heart he makes it a point to repay Sugawara the world, just as soon as he figures out how to grasp it.

* * *

“It’s quiet.”

“Not anymore,” Kageyama says, kicking off his shoes and flicking on the lights in the same movement. “You’re here.”

Hinata rolls his eyes, but it seems muted, somehow. As much as an eye-roll can be muted. “Do you live by yourself...?”

“Have since middle school.”

“You never said you lived alone.”

“It’s not exactly a great opener.” He leaves his school bag by the door. “Hurry up.”

Hinata follows him inside. To have a second set of footsteps behind his own feels odd, but since it’s Hinata, the oddity is outweighed by relief and warmth. Kageyama turns on the lights as they go along, one after the other, until the whole of the apartment is lit.

It isn’t a small apartment—its original purpose was to house more than  _ just him,  _ of course—but that only emphasizes Hinata’s point. Spacious, well-furnished rooms are meant to have life in them; except Kageyama treads this place like it’s a vintage 1800’s mansion. A vintage 1800’s mansion, occupied or unoccupied, may actually be more inviting than this place. His chest is tight.

“You look sad.”

“I’m not sad.”

“I didn’t say you  _ were,  _ I just said you  _ looked  _ like it.”

“Well, I’m not.” Kageyama takes a seat on the couch, dragging his laptop over crossed-legs and flipping it open. Hinata plops down beside him. “Here.” He jams in his password and the volleyball championship video he’d had open spring onto the screen. He tilts the laptop and Hinata hooks his chin over his shoulder. “This is what I was talking about earlier.”

“Oh, that looks hard.”

“It is.”

“We should try it.”

“That’s why I’m showing you. This one, too.”

“... Oh.”

“Yep.”

“Wait, rewind it, I wanna see it again.”

Kageyama does. This continues for some time, and Hinata gets progressively closer and closer each second, until he’s pressed himself entirely into Kageyama’s side. Kageyama doesn’t mind, and that’s weird, too, because physical contact  _ isn’t him  _ and he can’t imagine he’ll ever  _ initiate  _ it, but when it’s Hinata he doesn’t mind. Why doesn’t he mind? Is it because Hinata is so genuine, with no ulterior motive or bad intention? His chest is still tight from earlier.

Maybe he does want a word.

Hours of videos later plus hours of homework means it’s too dark and too late for Hinata to bike home, so he texts his mom that he’ll be staying the night with Kageyama. It sparks something he hadn’t thought of before; what do they tell their parents?  _ Do  _ they tell their parents? Would his parents even  _ care?  _ He hasn’t spoken more than here-and-there words to them in—

_ Years? _

“What’re you thinking about?”

It’s dark again—they turned out the lights—but instead of being alone, Hinata’s nestled into his chest. The fact that it doesn’t bother him bothers him. “Shitty stuff,” he says, resting the side of his head against the back of the couch. “Sorry.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Hinata says, tapping his fingers against the crook of Kageyama’s elbow mindlessly. “Your breathing got messed up, so.”

“It’s just breathing, you’re thinking too hard about it.”

_ “I  _ am?”

“Yes, you.” Kageyama flicks Hinata’s hair. “Go to sleep.”

“Okay.”

Hinata’s fingers keep drumming his forearm. He eventually drops down to one finger, but doesn’t stop entirely. Some time passes. Some more time passes. Kageyama sighs.

“Okay, what do you want?”

“Why are you sad?”

“I said I wasn’t.”

“I know what you  _ said.” _

Kageyama sighs. His chest is tight again; it never really went away. “I think I’m... tired,” Kageyama says. “Sad seems kinda much.”

“Are you sad about  _ this?” _

“I’m happy about  _ this,”  _ Kageyama says. He pauses. “And... maybe a little frustrated.”

“But not sad.”

Kageyama hesitates. “Maybe? It’s been a while since I defined my feelings, so I dunno. Everything kinda falls under the ‘frustrated and tired’ umbrella.”

“Mm.” He keeps tapping Kageyama’s arm, with long pauses in between. “Well. If you think of it lemme know.”

“Sure.”

Hinata keeps tapping. Kageyama counts eighty-seven.

“... Hinata.”

“Yeah?”

“Hypothetically.”

“Yeah.”

“Say we can’t find a word for this…  _ this.”  _ Kageyama squeezes him, just a little. “If it ends up just being an ‘us’ thing… and, if we never know how to explain it to anyone else, ever… would that be okay?”

“I mean, yeah? Why not? You don’t turn down a dessert just because you don’t know how to pronounce its name.”

“That’s not the same thing at  _ all.” _

“Okay you’re right but you know what I mean.”

“I do.” He feels alone, somehow, like he’s the only person who can get what Hinata means and vice versa and that only tightens the latches in his chest. “But you’d… would you be okay with it, really? If we never… understood.”

“Just because we don’t know how to explain it doesn’t mean we don’t understand it.  _ I  _ still know what you mean and  _ you  _ still know what I mean. I mean, are  _ you  _ okay with it? Not having a word.”

“I am.” Is he? “I think.”

“There’s a word, I’m sure there is.” Hinata curls further against him like it’s the easiest thing in the word and  _ damn it all,  _ Kageyama doesn’t know what to say if not that he loves this stupid, insufferable dumbass. “We just need to find it.”

Kageyama buries his nose into his hair. “What if there isn’t?”

“Then we’ll make one, who cares? I call dibs.”

Kageyama snorts a little, but can’t truthfully say he doesn’t feel a bit better. “Okay.”

“I’m also gonna drag you to stay at my house more often because it’s  _ way  _ too quiet in here. I think I’d go crazy.”

“Okay.”

“And I’m gonna bring snacks next time because your pantry is  _ empty  _ and—”

“Hinata.”

“Wha—”

“Go to sleep.”

Hinata elbows him, but not enough to hurt. He barely feels it at all. “Okay, okay, fine. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

“Sleep well.”

“You, too.”

It’s weird to have someone to wish it to, but weird in a way that’s  _ theirs  _ and comforting. The knots in Kageyama’s chest finally loosen enough for him to relax, but he still waits for Hinata’s finger to still before letting himself drop off.

* * *

“Kageyama! Hinata!”

Sugawara happens to bump into them on their way to school several mornings later—except it becomes apparent very quickly that it wasn’t so much that he ‘happened to’ and more that he intended to.

“Sugawara!” Hinata chirps—he’s way too much of a morning person. (Kageyama is, too, but Hinata is so  _ shameless  _ about being this wide awake that it’s almost annoying.) “What is i—”

Sugawara skids to a stop in front of them, waving his phone. “I might have found your word!”

Kageyama’s chest explodes. “You—”

_ “Might,  _ might,” Sugawara interrupts, holding out both hands. “I don’t want to get your hopes up if it isn’t it, but—Here, look.” He passes over the phone; Kageyama takes it and Hinata all but yanks him down to peer over his shoulder. “I looked on a few different online forums and found some info. It might not be what you’re looking for, but it sounded sort of like what you were describing… it’s an English term, ‘queerplatonic.’”

They read the article in silence. Kageyama tries to catch Hinata’s gaze, but his wide-eyes are glued to the phone like it’s a supernova. His head snaps up toward Sugawara.

“This is a thing?” He sounds like he just found a puppy. “This is—There’s a word for it? There’s really something to call it?”

“If this is what you think you guys have,” Sugawara says, nodding. “From what I’ve read it’s sort of a case-by-case as far as definition goes, but there are quite a few online forums about it—”

“We can have this?” Hinata asks, still raw with disbelief. Sugawara’s laughter is bright.

“Yes, you can.”

“Kageyama!” Hinata whirls to face him, beaming like he’s never beamed before. “Kageyama, we can have this! We can _have this,_ Kageyama, we can _have this—!”_

Kageyama feels like he’s witnessing the peak of a solar eclipse. It’s an unfamiliar word, and he’s  _ certain  _ he’ll have to ask Sugawara to remind him of it until it sticks, but it somehow fits in the space between his and Hinata’s hearts  _ perfectly,  _ like the final connecting thread of a tapestry.

Hinata, laughing hysterically, hugs Sugawara tight. Kageyama isn’t comfortable enough to do that, but he pours all he can into his thank-you, and Sugawara ruffles his hair with an equally warm smile. 

They can have this. They’re allowed to have this. It isn’t less than, it isn’t a ‘problem’ like those articles Kageyama read made it out to be, it isn’t  _ just them.  _ It has a name, it has a meaning, and it can be  _ theirs. _

Hinata is  _ buzzing  _ from then on through the rest of the day. Kageyama doesn’t think he’s ever seen him more stupidly elated in his life. But what the hell, Kageyama hasn’t felt this stupidly elated in his life, either, even if he’s better at concealing it; he, at least, understands the urge to bounce off the walls and whoop like the best day of their life is nigh.

Kageyama handles it a little differently than Hinata, in the sense that he waits until they’re alone and cuddled against each other on Kageyama’s couch before burying his face in Hinata’s hair and crying. Hinata panics at first, but settles when Kageyama promises it’s for a good reason. He can’t laugh yet, but he supposes happy-cry isn’t too bad an alternative.

They’re both worried they won’t remember it, at first—it is a bit of a mouthful, and the English just makes it more challenging—but then they realize they can shorten it (QP, QPP, QPR) and the instant that clicks, they can’t stop saying it. Kageyama knows he’ll never be as vocal as Hinata, so he learns it in Morse Code, teaches it to Hinata, and taps it out on his desk during class, on Hinata’s forearms, on his temple when it’s late and they’re alone in each other’s arms, everywhere and almost all the time. Hinata eventually starts doing the same thing, but more erratically and giddily, so much so that Kageyama can barely tell the difference between anxious, absent-minded tapping and QPP-tapping. Not that it matters; it’s all Hinata’s tapping, and that means it’s all warmth and all comfort and all love. 

For now, it’s new, and they’ll figure things out more as they go along. But it’s an exciting new, like the sunrise after the longest night of the year. Like a new beginning. Like they’re taking their first true leap toward a goal they’ve been reaching for their entire life—and this time, they get to reach for it together.

**Author's Note:**

> largely written off my own experiences discovering the term 'queerplatonic' and just lose-my-mind overjoyed that it was actually a _real thing_ and it helped me understand so much of myself. quick shout-out to my qpp whom i love very, very much and deserves the world.
> 
> thank you all so much for reading !! ive said it before that i love kagehina in all its forms but i have an incredibly soft spot for qpr kagehina. thank you all SO incredibly much for all your support!! it really makes my day <3 i'm on tumblr as @pocket-full-of-wonder if you'd like to shout abt kagehina with me or suggest prompts for this series!! i'd love to hear from y'all
> 
> as always, take care of yourself, give yourself a big hug, wrap yourself in warm blankets, drink plenty of snacks and eat lots of water! stay safe, be kind to yourself, and I'll see you all next time!! <3


End file.
